top of page

When I woke up…

Updated: Dec 5, 2021

When I woke up you were surely gone

Clouds covered the early morning dawn.

Pouring rain playing a sad, lonely song

Our battle was over but the lines drawn.

You tried to tell me about your growing pain.

I tried to tell you about my growing gain.

All was lost in my drunken vain.

And the raindrops hit the window pane.

I wiped your tears but you cried more.

I tried to steal your shoes from the floor.

Just to keep you from walking out the door.

Caiti my princess became Caiti no more.

I hurt you and that hurts me the same.

And for that I take all of the blame.

I woke up in fear, regret, sadness, and shame.

The wind howling your noble and lovely name.

I remember everything you said to me.

You - the real you - your love for family.

And yet I decayed for you like roadside debris.

The young debutante and the old divorcee.

We both held pain and we both wanted to connect.

And yet I only gave you more of your life’s neglect.

And I behaved worse than even demons would expect.

And when I woke up I had time to regret and reflect.

I am sorry Sweet Caiti for hurting you.

You’re my Princess, my lover, my Caiti Blue.

And the harsh words I spoke remain now untrue.

On a day that could have been a breakthrough.

“I love you, I miss you, and you’re headed for great things.”

Some earthly angels already have their golden wings.

You will live a life of riches, of Queens, of Kings.

Free of my master puppeteer and his strings.

I held money over your head because that’s all I have now.

My only friends are the NASDAQ, the S&P, and the Dow.

Money and alcohol being my only sacred cow.

Yet all I can think about is wiping tears from your brow.

Wishing like always I could go back in times.

Avoid the evil and the audacity of my crimes.

Avoid my desperate texts, my poems, my rhymes.

Your silence a somber expression like pantomimes.

I wanted to say that you will still overcome.

That I’ll never let you be sad or glum.

Instead I wasted your money with a circle K bum.

Different directions you and I – from palace to slum.

When you stepped out of the car my heart skipped a beat.

Happiness is the sound of your approaching size 7 feet.

My Caiti Blue, My Caiti Cattaneo, Sweet Caiti so sweet.

I am sorry for the broken promises the painful deceit.

I wish you were in the pillows, the bed, the sheet.

I am sorry that I caused you to fight and then retreat.

I hate the emptiness of this room and my passenger seat.

I am sorry for treating your requests as they were obsolete.

I promise never again because I can’t lose what are.

As this pain vibrates like a string from a guitar.

I cling to you like your strawberry hair clings to my car.

Without you I most certainly won’t go very far.

So I am sorry and I hope you will forgive.

Without you this Christmas I can’t really live!

Recent Posts

See All

Lisa: 22 Stories

1. Lisa…how could I even begin to try? To say I could describe you is a bold-face lie. In this Autumn space-time that passes us by… “Lisa” disperses like clouds in the rusty sky. Lisa moves about the


She’s tall like the mountain range the bear the same name. From Nebraska but it could be California just the same. I guess it doesn’t really matter from where she came. Her hair the golden fields her

A Strick

I call her a turtle when she retreats into her hardened shell. Her disappearance… somber and distant…a funeral bell. Wisconsin white witch, now merely a forgotten spell. Tired of dealing with Sun Devi

bottom of page