When I woke up…
Updated: Dec 5, 2021
When I woke up you were surely gone
Clouds covered the early morning dawn.
Pouring rain playing a sad, lonely song
Our battle was over but the lines drawn.
You tried to tell me about your growing pain.
I tried to tell you about my growing gain.
All was lost in my drunken vain.
And the raindrops hit the window pane.
I wiped your tears but you cried more.
I tried to steal your shoes from the floor.
Just to keep you from walking out the door.
Caiti my princess became Caiti no more.
I hurt you and that hurts me the same.
And for that I take all of the blame.
I woke up in fear, regret, sadness, and shame.
The wind howling your noble and lovely name.
I remember everything you said to me.
You - the real you - your love for family.
And yet I decayed for you like roadside debris.
The young debutante and the old divorcee.
We both held pain and we both wanted to connect.
And yet I only gave you more of your life’s neglect.
And I behaved worse than even demons would expect.
And when I woke up I had time to regret and reflect.
I am sorry Sweet Caiti for hurting you.
You’re my Princess, my lover, my Caiti Blue.
And the harsh words I spoke remain now untrue.
On a day that could have been a breakthrough.
“I love you, I miss you, and you’re headed for great things.”
Some earthly angels already have their golden wings.
You will live a life of riches, of Queens, of Kings.
Free of my master puppeteer and his strings.
I held money over your head because that’s all I have now.
My only friends are the NASDAQ, the S&P, and the Dow.
Money and alcohol being my only sacred cow.
Yet all I can think about is wiping tears from your brow.
Wishing like always I could go back in times.
Avoid the evil and the audacity of my crimes.
Avoid my desperate texts, my poems, my rhymes.
Your silence a somber expression like pantomimes.
I wanted to say that you will still overcome.
That I’ll never let you be sad or glum.
Instead I wasted your money with a circle K bum.
Different directions you and I – from palace to slum.
When you stepped out of the car my heart skipped a beat.
Happiness is the sound of your approaching size 7 feet.
My Caiti Blue, My Caiti Cattaneo, Sweet Caiti so sweet.
I am sorry for the broken promises the painful deceit.
I wish you were in the pillows, the bed, the sheet.
I am sorry that I caused you to fight and then retreat.
I hate the emptiness of this room and my passenger seat.
I am sorry for treating your requests as they were obsolete.
I promise never again because I can’t lose what are.
As this pain vibrates like a string from a guitar.
I cling to you like your strawberry hair clings to my car.
Without you I most certainly won’t go very far.
So I am sorry and I hope you will forgive.
Without you this Christmas I can’t really live!