When I woke up…

When I woke up you were surely gone

Clouds covered the early morning dawn.

Pouring rain playing a sad, lonely song

Our battle was over but the lines drawn.

You tried to tell me about your growing pain.

I tried to tell you about my growing gain.

All was lost in my drunken vain.

And the raindrops hit the window pane.

I wiped your tears but you cried more.

I tried to steal your shoes from the floor.

Just to keep you from walking out the door.

Caiti my princess became Caiti no more.

I hurt you and that hurts me the same.

And for that I take all of the blame.

I woke up in fear, regret, sadness, and shame.

The wind howling your noble and lovely name.

I remember everything you said to me.

You - the real you - your love for family.

And yet I decayed for you like roadside debris.

The young debutante and the old divorcee.

We both held pain and we both wanted to connect.

And yet I only gave you more of your life’s neglect.

And I behaved worse than even demons would expect.

And when I woke up I had time to regret and reflect.

I am sorry Sweet Caiti for hurting you.

You’re my Princess, my lover, my Caiti Blue.

And the harsh words I spoke remain now untrue.

On a day that could have been a breakthrough.

“I love you, I miss you, and you’re headed for great things.”

Some earthly angels already have their golden wings.

You will live a life of riches, of Queens, of Kings.

Free of my master puppeteer and his strings.

I held money over your head because that’s all I have now.

My only friends are the NASDAQ, the S&P, and the Dow.

Money and alcohol being my only sacred cow.

Yet all I can think about is wiping tears from your brow.

Wishing like always I could go back in times.

Avoid the evil and the audacity of my crimes.

Avoid my desperate texts, my poems, my rhymes.

Your silence a somber expression like pantomimes.

I wanted to say that you will still overcome.

That I’ll never let you be sad or glum.

Instead I wasted your money with a circle K bum.

Different directions you and I – from palace to slum.

When you stepped out of the car my heart skipped a beat.

Happiness is the sound of your approaching size 7 feet.

My Caiti Blue, My Caiti Cattaneo, Sweet Caiti so sweet.

I am sorry for the broken promises the painful deceit.

I wish you were in the pillows, the bed, the sheet.

I am sorry that I caused you to fight and then retreat.

I hate the emptiness of this room and my passenger seat.

I am sorry for treating your requests as they were obsolete.

I promise never again because I can’t lose what are.

As this pain vibrates like a string from a guitar.

I cling to you like your strawberry hair clings to my car.

Without you I most certainly won’t go very far.

So I am sorry and I hope you will forgive.

Without you this Christmas I can’t really live!